My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Porn is love you can see.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
