Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize