I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
