**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Operation Purity has been aborted
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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