Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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