I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
