it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
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I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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