It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
