I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize