it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
