He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
