did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
