I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i will never coherently bang her
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
