Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
