just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
