I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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