drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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