My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
