no, he came in my armpit
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
