I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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