I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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