Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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