alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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