did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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