Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
