nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
