Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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