They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
