his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
