No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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