By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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