Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
