i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
