i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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