Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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