I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Alive.
So much puke
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
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