i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
