3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
