i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We just shotgunned beers for America
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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