I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
