The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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