Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
