no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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