cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
