Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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