I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
