I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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