When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
