Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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