epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
