remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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