Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
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Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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