he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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