your parents love me but you hate me
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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