I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
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