I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize