Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize