im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
