why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Randomize
