The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
