he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
