i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
