Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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