My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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