I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
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