Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
