woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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